Would you want continue to live if you were me?

It definitely sounds like your clinically depressed. I suffer from bi-polar and manic depression and i know what your going through. I have been battling depression since i was 12 years old and it has always been a struggle. My family is the same way. My grandpa hung himself. And all my aunts have mood disorders and eating disorders.I understand not being able to get through work and stuff. I have done the same thing and have even stayed home for a semester because i was too anxious to go to school. I've hidden my depression well and the people I do tell are always surprised to here i have any problems at all because i always put on a happy face and I'm popular. I used to cut words into my legs to hide the scars i was so depressed. I hacked up my entire arm with a razor blade when i was 15 and the scars just recently went away. I remember the days when i would sit in bed crying too, and i've defiantly distanced people because of my disease. Honestly though, the best way to get through it is to try and push yourself to be social and get out there. Your friends probably do care about you, but if they don't know what's going on, they're going to think your distancing them and don't care about them. This is what my friends thought, and because i trusted them i came clean and told them about my depression and understood and they really helped me. Believe me, i have tried to commit suicide many times, and often thought i could never get better. But i started seeing a psychiatrist and going on meds and now i can really rationalize my thoughts and even if i start to get depressed i can talk myself out of it. Exercising and doing yoga have also really helped me mentally and psychically. So many people are feeling what your feeling. Believe me hang in there and things will get better :-)